It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
