My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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