I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
