we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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