Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
