I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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