the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
