Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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