Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
well you can't waste a boner
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize