omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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