It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
