True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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