You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
