Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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