Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
