I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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