so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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