No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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