My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
