Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
