holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there is glitter all over my balls
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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