rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
