I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
