i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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