I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
