It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
