The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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