so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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