Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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