she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
