Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have aggressive nipples.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
