You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
