the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
