I CAN MOONWALK!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
