I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
