Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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