I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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