One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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