New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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