I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
