Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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