Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
