I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
