I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
