And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
