he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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