Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
