This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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