the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
