He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
