I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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