you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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