just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
