does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
