At least make sure they are 18
Why
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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