How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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