I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it hurts more in the daytime
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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