grandma shit on top of the toilet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
