Umm I'm too high to move.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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