Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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