Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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