Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
