I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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