I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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