hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
