He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
