DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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