I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Pooping to opera.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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