Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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