These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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