is wine microwaveable?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
